What I wish I knew as I became a mother

I’ve known you now, motherself, for 2 years now. It’s hard to believe I almost didn’t get the chance to. I wish I had known that I when we met the first time, I’d be meeting you in your most raw and developing form. That when I birthed my son, I also gave birth to you - this new me, this mother. 

Looking back, I’m not sure why I expected you to march confidentially into this world. You would stumble ever so graciously, after all you were brand new to the world. 

I didn’t expect to resist you - to feel like you were trying to replace the me I knew so well. You had this power about you to see through the contradictions and unrealistic expectations of this world. But I couldn’t surrender to you...you were changing my world. 

I wish I had known you were the me I was always meant to be. But that to fully embrace you, parts of my own self had to go away. I had to re-invent myself. And go through a time period when I felt the intense loss of me as “Melissa”. 

This mother I was meeting wasn’t defective...she wasn’t naive to what she had gotten herself into...she hadn’t made a mistake by having a child...she wasn’t unfit to be a mom...she wasn’t all the negative things her mind was telling her because she wasn’t over the moon in love with motherhood and her baby. She just didn’t know who she was yet. 

Her potential was awaiting, although she couldn’t see it. She needed only to lovingly care, nuture, and wait with patience for her motherself to grow and trust herself. 

Become a mother infinitely changed me. It started with saying goodbye to who I thought I was. Which involved being completely broken open. 

What I didn’t know is that motherhood would introduce me to who I always could be. It gave me a collective voice, a chance to defy expectations and make my own rules. Along the way, I loss my marriage and my best friend. But motherhood enabled me to know how I wanted to truly be in this world. 

When you meet this new mother, women, hold her in loving space. Know she is pure, innocent, and vulnerable. She is being shaped - she and her baby create her. She is welcome in this world. She needs to be in this world. Give her time to find her way - allow others to mother her too. 

Dedicated to every mom who has ever felt not welcome in this new life and that she wasn’t enough. You matter and I am grateful you exist ❤️ 

 

❤︎ Submitted by Melissa Gray.